Break My Heart

I've been trying to get the courage to share this on here for anyone to see, it's not any less nerve racking but I'm doing it in spite of my fear. Here is one of my original songs that I wrote when I was feeling far from God and needed to get back to Him. I'm not a song writer or anywhere close but this was in my heart so I wrote it out and then I felt the desire to share it. If anyone can relate or just want to give me some feedback please feel free to leave a comment!

For What Breaks Yours

It's not in my nature to surrender

But I must give it all

It's not in my nature to be selfless

But I must learn to fall

You know my weakness, you know my heart

Can't you feel me falling apart?

I need you love know more than I know

So help me, Lord

Break this heart of stone

Break my heart, Lord

Break my heart, Lord

Break my heart for what breaks yours

All my pain you have endured

So break my heart for what breaks yours

Sometimes I think that I'm my own boss

But you teach me daily to take up my cross

Sometimes I feel like I can't go on

It's true I'm weak but your grace is strong

I want to change

I want to grow

So help me Lord, break this heart of stone

Break my heart, Lord

Break my heart, Lord

Break my heart for what breaks yours

All my sins you have endured

So break my heart for what breaks yours

Is my heart where it needs to be?

Is it true,

Is forgiveness the key?

Your love so near lord

Your word so clear

But in my mind they disappear

Show me the truth oh

I need to know

I ask you again to break this heart of stone

Break my heart, Lord

Break my heart, Lord

Break my heart for what breaks yours

(Repeat)

All my sins you have endured

So break my heart for what breaks yours

   To say these last few weeks have been INSANE would be a huge understatement. I have reached mental, physical and emotional exhaustions on multiple occasions doing a bunch of things I don't particularly like. At the same time I had no time to do the things I actually like to do, like writing, because believe it or not I am a fan of sleeping. Today I even had the urge to read a book! I never want to read for fun but i haven't had the option in so long that the thought of diving into a great novel seemed to good to be true.

   This huge long rant to apologize and say I'M BACK! I have so many experiences I have to share from my past month but I have to pick only one. Music has been one of my many forms of escapes. I spent a good amount of time listening to the lyrics. Some of the bands I tend to listen to, I listen to because the music is good or a friend recommend them to me. Recently I've come to realize how much incite as well as emotion there is within each carefully selected word. For instance, I really like the band Mumford and Sons. I use to think that they just had a really cool sound and unique style. However, one of their songs titled I Will Wait in particular caught my attention. One verse goes as follows:

Now I'll be bold

As well as strong

And use my head alongside my heart

So tame my flesh

And fix my eyes

A tethered mind freed from the lies

    There is so much said in just a few lines. Mumford and Sons is nowhere near a christian band, but I like to read these verses as if it were a prayer to God. One similar to the one I have often found myself praying in difficult times. I have learned that through any hard time boldness as well as strength are crucial. You must be bold enough to admit when you are weak, you  must be strong enough to persevere, and you must be wise enough to listen to not only your head but also your heart. It isn't always logic that'll fix your brokenness.

  Though acknowledging these things are a key step in getting to the greener grass, they do not always calm so naturally and without tears. It takes determination as well as a deep faith that you will make it through. This determination will entail a lot of focus which most definitely does not come naturally. When I find it hard to focus or have faith I pray that God will help me fix my eyes on Him because it is He who broke my chains and freed me. And I know logically that he is my refuge, however, in the midst of suffering, it isn't always clear to my heart. And  ultimately the heart is what matters most.

   The next lines of the song resemble prayer blatantly. Though it may not be what the band intended, it's what my heart heard.

And I'll kneel down,Wait for nowI'll kneel down,Know my ground

   The act of kneeling embodies a person in absolute resolve to the fact that their situation is not within their control. They have reached the end of their rope and are surrendering to something greater than themselves. For me that something greater is my Lord and Savior. When it becomes to hard to stand, I kneel to the one who made it all. I cry out to Him because I know he will hear me. He is my rock and my foundation. Even through hard times I know that, "with him at my right hand, I will never be shaken." [Psalm 16:8] I pray to Him and wait for an answer.

   The last part of the song that i would like to share is quite similar in message to the previous verse. It instills the idea that peace will not be found if there is no surrender first. 

Raise my hands

Paint my spirit gold

And bow my head

Keep my heart slow

    I don't have too much more to say but this. Hard times are going to happen. That is how we grow. The thing to remember is that when hard things come along it doesn't help to wait around for the bad thing to end on it's own. Allow the emotions and sadness and suffering to fill you up and make you into a different person. Be joyful that you're given another battle that make you that much tougher and that much stronger as a person. I would like to close with this:

"And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope."

- Romans 5:2-4